Bye Bye Birdie

Last night the kids and I didn't get home until about 7:30.  I took the dog out, slapped together something to eat (because it wasn't really dinner), and played cards with the kids.  I sat down in Grace's bed to read with the kids around 8:30.  Logan got up just a couple pages in to get something from the kitchen. He announced that Molly had peed on the floor in the living room.  Apparently she needed to go out again and wasn't interested in waiting.  So I left Grace reading her book and let Molly out.  While she was doing her business I went to clean up the pee.  By the time I came back to let her in I couldn't find her.  Assuming she'd gone around the side of the house and to the front door I closed the back door and went to the front door.

I pulled it open and was greeted with birds flapping their wings right outside my front door.  For a minute, I was very confused, since it was nighttime and shouldn't they be asleep?  I quickly got over that and tried to shut the door again.  One bird flew back in to the night, and the other flew into my house.

In to my house.

Are you kidding me?!  The area above our front door is kind of tall so it flapped around there for a minute before coming back to the floor, in the corner behind the door by a small chest of drawers.  And there it sat.  Which admittedly is much better than it flying around the house.

At this point the kids are completely freaked out (I must admit this wasn't my most calm moment either).  Logan has gone into his room and locked the door (I'm still not sure why locking it helped, the bird couldn't open a door as far as I know).  Gracie is standing in her doorway crying, because that's what she does when she's scared.  And I'm standing completely helpless, wondering what the heck I'm supposed to do, and vaguely remembering that I still haven't found the dog (although I figure dog trying to eat bird would probably make this situation much worse).

Since the bird is sitting still I go to the back door again to see if Molly has reappeared.  She hasn't.  Crap.  I go back to the front door to check on our birdie friend.  The kids inform me that the bird flew toward the front door.  Relieved, I look around, don't see the bird, and praise the Lord that it's gone.  I close the front door and turn my attention to the missing dog.  I grab a flashlight, turn on all outside lights, and head out front with the kids pretty well attached to me, since they're both still kind of freaked out (admittedly, so was I).

Still no dog.

Crap.

Back through the house to the backyard and finally I spot Molly wandering around up by the hill behind our house.  I think she is paying me back for not taking her out sooner by ignoring the many times I've called her.  I leave the kids by the back door and wrangle Molly.  We're no sooner in the door than Grace informs me that she just saw the bird flying around.

WHAT?!

Yup, birdie is still chilling inside my house.  I didn't see it earlier because I didn't look up.  Which is where it is, on the chain thing holding the light.

The bird probably thinks we're crazy (which we probably are).  Logan points out that we've been walking underneath the bird. Yes, many times.  Thank God it didn't poop on us.

So now I'm faced with how the heck do I get it out of my house?  I go outside through the garage and open the front door (because I don't want to walk under the bird to open the door from the inside).  Back inside the kids and I stare at the bird willing it to fly out the wide open front door right in front of it.  I'm scared to try to shoo it out with a broom or something because I don't want it to get excited and fly further in to the house.  So far it's stayed right by the front door and I'd like to keep it that way.

Finally, finally, it flies out.  I slam the front door and breathe a sigh of relief.

Except now I've got to clean bird poop off the wall.

*No birds (or people) (or dogs) were harmed in the making of this post.