Friday, December 19, 2008

Hope for the Holidays

Well, my season of giving and receiving began today. Me and my two best friends from work exchanged gifts and went to lunch together. We all just did little gifts, but the thought behind them was nice. And we eat lunch together just about every day, but today we went to a restaurant completely void of any coworkers. It was nice just to sit and chat together.

My holiday season has been a strange one, so far. Joey has been sick since the day after Thanksgiving, including spending a week in the hospital, so we haven't been able to spend much time together. I have spent a lot of time worrying about him and wondering what the future holds for him and our family, which isn't how you typically think of the holidays. A joyous time with family and friends doing lots of Christmas shopping and visiting Santa at the mall is how I picture the weeks leading up to Christmas. I've gotten the Christmas shopping done, and finished the wrapping, but all of it has been overshadowed by worry about Joey. He hates being sick and not being able to do all of the things he wants to - shop with me, play with the kids, do homework with Logan - and I hate that he can't do them. When Logan was first born, Joey did everything with him. He picked him up from the babysitters', he bathed him and fed him, he changed diapers and put him to sleep. He got off work before me, so by the time I made it home he'd have Logan in bed. And now he can't do any of that. He has to try so hard to take care of himself, that it keeps him from being the dad and husband he wants to be, and would be, if it weren't for this stupid disease.

My holiday season, and my life, has a theme. Hope. I hope that Joey can be given a reprieve. If not forever, then at least for the next week so he can enjoy the holidays with us. We both know this isn't something that will ever go away, but the past two and a half weeks have been so hard on him. I hope that he is able to wake up with the kids on Christmas morning and watch them open their presents. I hope that he can sit at the table and enjoy Christmas dinner with our family. I hope he is at least able to open the presents I got him. I feel like my heart is filled with so much hope, something has to change. Can't I just will the world to be like I want it? I hope so. Because I love my husband, and I love our family, and I hope we have many more Christmases together.

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