Winget Park Fall Festival

Yesterday was the Fall Festival at Logan's school. It was basically a bunch of inflatable bouncy things and a train you could ride on in a circle. Joey wasn't feeling well enough to go with us, so my sweet friend Jessica went with us. Thanks to the generosity of our family and friends who bought things for Logan's fundraiser, he got a bracelet that allowed him to do all the activities for free. We had a good time, but for all the overpriced fun, I think we enjoyed playing on the playground the most. Enjoy some pictures!

Little Miss Bossy

Do you remember this book series from your childhood? I do. And now I'm reliving it through my sweet daughter.

Everyday she comes home from daycare with a sheet telling me how she ate and slept and what activities they did. At the bottom they write something specific she enjoyed doing that day. Yesterday, it said, "Grace enjoyed looking for bugs and bossing her friends around." Oookay. Since her teacher didn't mention it to me, Joey and I decided that she meant "chasing" her friends around, since they were outside looking for bugs and all.

Today I pick up her up and she has orange paint in her hair - it was paint day. Her sheet says, "Grace enjoyed painting and telling her friends how to paint." Awesome. I have never pretended that Gracie was an easygoing child who didn't care what was going on. She is an alpha and does not appreciate being told no, or what to do. She screams and cries (literally, screams - it's lovely), will try to hit, and throws herself on the floor. She loves telling her brother what to do, however. She'll tell him to come on if he's slow coming upstairs for his bath, she'll repeat me if I tell him to stop doing something, and she'll tell him to "Come on, Woaney" (that's how she says his name - I don't know why) when she wants him to play with her. However, I thought she reserved these lovely behavior traits for our house and her lucky family. Not so much. Apparently she is now also bossing her friends around. I haven't been able to talk to her teacher about it yet, but I'll let you know when I do. In the meantime, I'll be trying to tie some reigns on my own "Little Miss Bossy."

Television Addicts Anonymous

Is this a real group? It should be. Of course, I would only attend if it met over the internet, to which I also suffer a mild addiction. Over the summer I really enjoyed not feeling tethered to the TV. I kept up with my magazines (I have 1 weekly subscription and 4 monthlies) and read a ton of books. I slept more and kept a better home. But premier week draws me back like Meredith to McDreamy. My addiction isn't quite so severe, though, this year. I begin my week with Desperate Housewives on Sunday, and while I enjoyed it's return I also found it mildly annoying. Susan causing her marriage to collapse over something beyond her control that wasn't her fault is ridiculous. Gabby wearing those nasty, frumpy clothes just because she has two kids is insulting. Brush your hair and put on some makeup. It's not that difficult. And the kid is 4 and a half, it's not a newborn. But anyway...

Monday night is Heroes which I am thrilled is back. It has been gone since the writer's strike began so long ago. They picked it back up with a lot of story lines that are very different from where they last left off. The first two episodes have been great.

Wednesday night is Project Runway which, sadly, is almost over. It began over the summer so it had a head start. The chick who used to be my favorite is now an annoying bitch, so that sucks. But it's still a very interesting show to watch. The next season will be on Lifetime which will be hard for me to accept. In general, I refuse to watch that channel based on the number of stupid made for TV movies. I'll probably cave quickly, though.

Thursday night is Grey's Anatomy. The first show was good, but it didn't feel very different from last season. If that's a good thing or a bad thing, I'm not sure. It didn't affect my loyaltly one way or the other. I also love The Office on Thursday nights. However, both of these shows are on at 9 and it isn't possible to watch one show and record the other with my DVR, so I've chosen Grey's over The Office. I still keep up with it online, though, and watch reruns when I have the opportunity.

Hmmm, that's all there is. I thought there were more. I could also throw in Lost, which doesn't come back until next year and I also love. But that's really it. It's much improved from previous years, but it still feels like I feel compelled to sit in front of the TV quite a bit. Ah well. If you want to know when and where our first meeting is, you can find me sitting in the recliner eating some popcorn and watching TV.

A Good Mommy

There is a single question that plagues me about 75% of the time. Am I a good parent? A good mom? (Wait, that's two questions...my bad.) If I asked someone this question I know (or at least hope) they would automatically say "Of course you are." But let me tell you, this does not cure self doubt. Because when you are around others or out in public, you tend to be the best version of yourself as a parent. You're patient (or as patient as you can be with a 5 year old running around Target), you're understanding, you're making your kids laugh, you're attempting to get your child to behave without screaming; you're doing all these things knowing that there are people watching you. Judging you. Judging your child. Being a parent is hard.

By being a mother, I've learned exactly how short my temper can be. I DO NOT appreciate being splashed when my kids are in the bathtub. I don't want the bathroom floor covered in water and my clothes to be so wet I have to change when bathtime is over. I DO NOT like it when my children don't listen to me. You would think something as easy as, "Grace, we don't sit on the kitchen table, we sit in our chair," would be pretty easy to follow. However, my hard headed cutie pie believes everything should be done her way, how and when she wants it. So we quickly evolve into me giving my 1-2-3 warning, yanking her off the table, and sitting her little butt down in the chair. Then she begins crying because a) she didn't get her way, and b) mommy yelled at her. Which begins a meltdown, which means I've got to suffer through her crying (which can be exhausting) or I've got to pick her up and calm her down which will undo anything I may have just managed to drill into her little head about listening. With Gracie, I tend to pick her up and comfort her. With Logan, I'll let him cry for a while. I'm not sure if it's because he's older and I know he can handle a little crying, or if it's because he's a boy and I think he should "man up" as I like to say. Gracie's my baby girl, hearing her cry and seeing her puppy dog eyes breaks my heart. I'm going to go with I do it because he's older. Anyway, I DO NOT like it when my children get out of bed once I put them in it. We have a nighttime routine. Every other night they take a bath, and every night we read two or three stories on Logan's bed. Logan turns on the classical music CD he listens to, gets a drink of milk, kisses and hugs, and he's done. I take Grace to her room, we read or rock or sing sometimes, she drinks some milk, she lays down, kisses and hugs, and two kids down. Logan has gotten pretty good about staying in bed. Gracie...not so much. It's her age and I just have to deal with it, but it's aggravating. I sit down to write this blog, hear a noise behind me, and Gracie is on all fours crawling across the floor to me. Back to her bedroom we go, rock in the chair, down in the bed, kisses and hugs, and I'm done for the second time. Some nights are better than others, and it will pass, but it's still annoying.

But along with the things I don't like, comes the things I love. I LOVE when Gracie gives me a big squeeze around the neck for no reason. I LOVE when Logan tells me I'm his best mommy (the irony really gets me). I LOVE laughing with my kids. I LOVE watching them play together nicely. I LOVE when they're in their pajamas after a bath, cuddled next to me on Logan's bed, reading stories. I LOVE (even though I shouldn't) when they crawl in to bed with me to snuggle in the mornings. I LOVE when they tell me they love me. I LOVE them so much that I can't imagine my life without them.

Being a parent is hard. You love these children so much and never want to see them hurt, but in order for them to learn how to follow the rules and learn how the world works, you sometimes have to be someone you don't want to. You have to yell, and smack little hands, and force them to sit in time out. That part sucks. They're so sad and hurt that the person they (hopefully) love most in the world was mean to them. But they forget about and move on. Time outs over and they're into the next thing. One day I'll probably look back and reminisce about the days when all I had to do was put them in time out for 5 minutes and it was all over. One day, as I'm grounding them for sneaking out, I'll miss the days when all it took was a smack on the hand to correct bad behavior. But for now, I'll try to keep my temper in check and remember how lucky I am to have such awesome kids. And that I wouldn't trade them for anything.

A Consistent Blogger

A long time ago when my sister Catherine began blogging, I thought it was a really good idea. I could start keeping up with her "real" life. When we talk on the phone, we talk about main tidbits - Logan did this, Potter chewed that, Dave got a new job. But when I read her blog, I find out about all the little things going on in her life - her stress level related to school, how much she enjoys being able to read what she wants, Dave getting to race with Potter - okay, that's from Dave's blog, but you get the picture. I always thought it would be something fun to do, but thought it would be one of those things where I started out strong and quickly faded until it was forgotten completely. That hasn't quite turned out to be true. I definitely started strong, and I am fading, but I don't think I'll completely forget it. I've found that I really like having a blog. I like the idea of people being able to keep up with me and the kids and whatever excitement is currently going on in our lives...without having to make multiple phone calls to tell the same story over and over. But if you've noticed that I haven't been updating quite as frequently - you're right. During the week I feel like I have so much to do, what with the new TV season starting ;-), that I don't have or make the time to sit down and write a blog. And on the weekends, I'm playing catch up on all the things I need to do around the house and all the sleep I've missed through the week - that I still don't take the time to write a blog. I have things floating in my head waiting to be written about, now I just have to sit down and do it. Stick with me friends - there's more to come.

Beach Bum

My beach bum has returned home. Gracie has been in Myrtle Beach this past week with my mother in law, both sisters in law and their husbands, and all 4 of her cousins. From what I hear - she had a fabulous time. She enjoyed both the big water (ocean) and the little water (condo pool). She wasn't afraid of the waves (although she yet to show fear of much). Often they would look up and Gracie would be headed to the ocean without a care in the world, they'd have to stop her (of course), and she'd throw one of her famous fits.

One day she and her aunt Becky were walking down the beach together when a lady stopped Becky to tell her how pretty her daughter was. That's right - Gracie could pass as Becky's daughter any day. And Logan could join his Aunt Missy's family with no problem, so I'll need to be on the lookout for any trouble makers ;-). Anyway, from what I gather she visited the ocean daily, spent an evening at the Dixie Stampede, and visited the aquarium. She came home with lots of souvenirs and not too much sand.

Last year we got to join them on the first annual Myrtle Beach vacation, but this year we couldn't take Logan out of school for his third full week of school ever, so Joey, Logan and I didn't get to go. However, I've been told next year his family is going to plan this trip for the summer, which is awesome. We were very disappointed we didn't get to go and hang out with them this week, so now we have something to look forward to next summer.

Thankfully, Miss Gracie was happy to see me when she got home and didn't try to leave with them again, which might have been hard for my heart to handle. I missed her while she was gone, but it was nice having some one on one time with Logan. Now it's back to the same ole. Logan's driving her (and me) crazy again, and I'm chasing after my two kids. What could be better?

Fear

My husband, Joey, had his first seizure around the middle of September 2005. This was the month before he was scheduled to have his brain surgery. He was sitting in the recliner in the living around 9:30 in the evening maybe (I know Logan was already asleep and Gracie hadn't joined us yet). I think I was moving around the house putting things away, getting things ready for the next day, starting the dishwasher, etc. when I noticed him shaking. Let me tell you about feeling terrified. I had no idea what was going on. I tried to talk to him and see what was going on, but I ended up calling 911 because I simply had no idea what was going on. They took him in the ambulance to the emergency room and I had to decide what to do about Logan. I don't know if you know this about me, but I am a very independent person. I do not like asking for help. But at this moment I had no choice. I believe Joey's sister happened to not be home, or I'm sure I would've called her. As an alternative, I called my friend Melanie from the bank and asked her to come sit with Logan for maybe an hour and a half while my mom drove to Morehead from Lexington. After I hung up with Melanie, I called my mom and broke down. I was sobbing, terrified that my husband was dying. She calmed me down, Melanie arrived, and I went to the hospital. By the time I got there, the seizure had ended and he was resting. They gave him some anti-seizure meds, some pain meds, and sent us home (if I recall correctly, and I might not - it's been a while since then).

Over the course of the next 5 weeks he continued to have them more and more frequently. I learned to deal with them and that the ambulance was not required every time. After his surgery it was a while before he had one. We had hoped they were gone altogether, but no. He continues to have them sporadically now. But they've changed in severity. Now he shakes a lot, but has trouble breathing, too. That's the hard part now - trying to decide if a ride in an ambulance to the hospital is necessary. That's a scary guessing game to play, because if it goes wrong, it really goes wrong.

I write this because he had one today. He sent me a text message he has programmed in his phone that simply says "seizure." I called him and quickly learned it is much harder to listen to the seizure than watch. At least you know what you're dealing with when you can see him. When he's having a seizure he can't talk, so I basically had to listen to his labored breathing and keep telling him he'd be okay. I ended up rushing home from work when I decided he might need to go the emergency room. He just couldn't catch his breath; he's been fighting a chest cold/bronchitis for about a week, and since I couldn't see him to assess him for myself, and he couldn't tell me how he was, I had to come home and make sure he was okay. He finally managed to get his breath back, took some paid medicine, and went to sleep.

It's been kind of nice being home this afternoon - there are no kids home and I've caught up on some laundry, paid some bills, and emptied the dishwasher. But I'd rather be sitting at my desk and dreading doing all those things later (or let's face it - putting them off some more) than come home because Joey's not well. I just pray God will find a way to allow him some relief from his pain.